Wreck

I've been trying to figure out why I'm so much more dysfunctional this year than last.  I'm a complete and utter disaster lately. You would have thought that my first year after leaving John would have been my year of insanity.  Not so.  This is the year.  Maybe I was in shock last year?  Maybe the fact that shit's getting real now is making me act like the crazy person that I have become?  It's hard to say.  What's NOT hard to say, is that I am, in fact a wreck of life these days.   Barely functioning.  Glad I'm at least keeping up with getting J to school each day, and following through with the food stamp bullshit.

As I'm typing this, I'm also watching the most recent episode of "New Girl"---- and I had an epiphany.  I think I might need to beat somebody up.  Watching that girl on the party bus punch the hell out of that douchebag made me feel jealous, of all things.  Well that's weird.  Didn't expect that.  I used to run away from my sisters as a kid when we were fighting.  I hated fighting.  Everything about it.  I literally used to pour garlic powder on my tongue when a fight was brewing so that I could breath my way away from them.  Yes, true story.

I supposed I've got some pent up anger issues that need to be addressed?  Huh, how do ya like that?  I had no idea.  I mean, I knew that I was angry about a bunch of stuff, but I did not know that I wanted to beat down on John.  I bet that would solve everything.