My new broken self

I read an article this morning about a man that was kidnapped and tortured by his own father at the age of 7.  He wrote about how he mourned the loss of that little boy and the potential of who and what he may have become if he had remained with his mother and raised in a normal way.   But, he eventually had to accept and deal with the fact that he is who he has become as a result of the pain he endured.
He wrote a couple of books to deal with all the pain and to try to sort through all the chaos and try to wrap his head around all of it.  In the writing, he rediscovered a lot of his own truths and was able to deal with and come to terms with a lot of what he lived through.

I feel the same way about writing this blog.  I am in no way trying to compare my experiences to what this poor little 7 year old was put through.  But I completely relate to his wondering about what he might have been and what life MIGHT have been like if life had been normal.  And especially about how writing and sharing my story is the best therapy I could ask for.

I am a completely different person now than I was just 10 years ago.  I was a pretty happy, very confident and positive person back in the day.  I was always cynical, and liked to challenge people, but I knew I could get what I wanted when I wanted it for the most part.    Now, I feel like I'm a warped, damaged, nervous, semi version of that girl.    I don't trust at all anymore, and I have no clue how to really relate with people in my new life.  I can't possibly act like a normal person, when I am going through such an outrageously abnormal existence.   I have no idea how to just "be myself" anymore.  Because I have no idea who that self is now.  I really don't.   The person I am on this blog is probably the closest version of my Self that I come across daily..  and that's probably because this is semi anonymous, or at least I can convince myself that I'm anonymous while I'm writing here.

Here's the link to the article I read written by the man that was kidnapped.  It's a really poignant  read.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/george-mohlo/writing-toward-the-within_b_1182285.html?ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false