Detox

This time of year always gets me down.  I start eating and drinking too much.  As soon as the temperature drops and the sky gets greyer, I turn immediately to the kitchen and start making heavy comfort foods, and over indulging in the nightly glasses of wine.   And then I start feeling really lousy and looking even worse.  And then, I have to cut it off completely.

So, today starts the detox.  Need to get my head into a better place.  Made some 3 bean chili with lentils, black and red beans with hominy corn today, and put myself on the wagon. When I eat better, I feel better, and I do better.  When I drink too much wine, I'm not myself.  I'm not the kind of mother I should be,  and I'm even more tired than usual.   Once I finish the cheese in the fridge, I'll remove dairy from my diet as well.  I feel so much better when I do the occasional dairy free thing. 

Now, if only I could remove the biggest toxin in my life.   The boys asked me if we could go to their dad's house tomorrow after school.  I said I would take them, but they have to ask him first to see if he'll be home.  This afternoon, they asked him, and he pretty much blew off the question and changed the subject.  Tonight at bedtime, we tried to call him twice, and got sent directly to voice mail.  He's dodging them.

At 8:00, after he knew they would be asleep, he texted me to ask if everything was ok with the boys because he never heard from them tonight.  I replied that we called twice and that he KNEW it.  Of course he flew into denial mode, to which I just roll my eyes.   This is the day of smart phones, dumbass.  We all know that it shows up on your screen when you missed a call.  Seriously can't fucking stand his bullshit.  Further evidence (at least in MY mind) that he still hasn't gotten them anything for Christmas and can't let them visit and find out.