Sociopathology. Nature versus Nurture.

I live in fear everyday that my sons could wind up like their father.  Dr Phil is always saying that the strongest influence in any child's life is their same sex parent. Period.  Say what you want about Dr Phil (and my habit of watching the show), but he raises a good point. It makes sense.  I see myself turning into my Mother slowly but surely every day.  Despite the fact that I was more interested in what my Dad was doing day to day, and wanted to be around him more and please him more, the bottom line is- I AM turning into my Mother. 

I have watched shows, and read internet articles about genetics and the possibility of passing on genes that make offspring more likely to commit violent crimes if they were the offspring of convicted criminals-- even if they were adopted by another family.  From what I've seen so far, it is inconclusive.  But I have to wonder.  We all know that in abusive households, it tends to continue on a generational basis. If one grows up being abused, one is likely to abuse. It's all one knows.  But, we have to question, is it JUST nurture? Or could it be genetics playing a hand too?  So scary and real to me.

I am constantly watching my boys and their emotions and reactions.  I'm pretty sure that J has dodged the hypothetical nature bullet.  He is so emotional and sympathetic when someone else is upset or hurt.  He is the guy at the playground that will check on another kid if he fell and scraped his knee. One day last summer, two little boys were pushing a little girl to go faster on the monkey bars. J marched up to those two boys and told them to stop pushing her, and that it was NOT NICE!  I was never so proud in my life.  He had just turned 3, and those kids were clearly in grade school-- maybe kindergarten or 1rst grade.  He saw someone was being bullied, and potentially hurt, and he did something about it. Not a sociopath. Whew.

R, I hope will go down the same path.  But so far, this little maniac with the contagious smile loooves expletives and exclamations.  When I stub my toe and yell "OWW!!!!"-- it's about the funniest thing he has ever heard.  He loves to hear people exclaim, "Nuts!" or "Darnit!!!" etc.  He often puts his tiny little 20 month old hands on my neck, tight, and starts to laugh... what the?

Here's the thing--  R (as I've posted in the past) is about the funniest kid I have ever encountered in my life. EVERYTHING is funny to him. Everything.  So.... I hold out hope.

This past Tuesday, and again today, R cried hysterically when we dropped off J at pre-school. All the way down the street R cried, "nooooo, oh noooo, J!!! J!! nooooo! J......" He was so desperately sad that we were leaving his brother behind and not taking him home with us.  

I thanked God silently for R's cries... One more sign that he has true feelings.   He was genuinely sad that we were leaving J at school.   I will continue to pray that nurture is stronger than nature.

Cause if it's the other way around, I'm fucked.

Diagnostic criteria of a Sociopath
Three or more of the following are required:

1. Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest. (Check!)
2. Deceitfulness, as indicated by repeatedly lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure (Check!)
3. Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead (Check!)
4. Irritability and aggressiveness, as indic ated by repeated physical fights or assaults
5. Reckless disregard for safety of self or others (Check!)
6. Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honour financial obligations (Check!)
7. Lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another. (Check Plus Plus!!!)