Paper or Clock

It's one year, yesterday, since I took my boys and left my husband.  I'm kind of amazed that it's only been a year.  So much has happened since then, and yet, nothing has really changed all that much.  I like to think that I'm in a better place, mentally, at least.  Certainly I feel that we are safer now that we are not living with a criminal that owes numerous different dangerous people huge sums of money.  But logistically, everything else is about the same. 

I still worry about money on a day to day basis.  I still wonder how everything got so incredibly screwed up right in front of my eyes without me knowing it.  I still don't know as much as I would like to know about my husband's secret life.  I still don't know which version of my husband I'm going to get on the phone when I call to let the boys talk to him each day.  I don't know if he's going to gamble away that month's check that I depend on.. just as I never knew if he was going to be bringing home his paychecks back in the day, or creating an elaborate lie about the incompetence of the payroll company or some other ridiculous tale.

Well, happy anniversary to me.  All things considered, financially speaking, I guess I'll buy something paper.