J P

Oh my J.  What a difficult, confusing, funny, confused, lovey lovey little man.  He loves his Mama more than anything in this whole wide world (with the exception, of course, of sugar.). 

My first born, J, came into this world screaming and difficult and hasn't changed much in the 3 1/2 years he's been here.  Hard labor for 3 hours to get this guy into our world. Hard labor for 3 years to get us to the point we are now.  

I love him so much. He holds my heart in his little hands.  I cling to him probably more than I should.  He sleeps in my bed every night and snuggles in close as soon as his sleeping little self realizes I'm there.  He has witnessed, and been a part of way more drama and "life" than any 3 year old really should.  He was aware of the guys showing up at our door. He knew I was scared of them.  He knew he had to hide in the basement and make sure his brother had his passy in his mouth when "the guys" were at our door.  True.

I apologize for him a lot. Way more than I should.  He's got a tough personality.  He is not ok with just anyone coming into his little world.  He has to give approval first, and it doesn't come easy. He loves his Aunts and his cousins.  He wants nothing more than to impress them and be loved by them.

When he is not in the mood, you're gonna know it.  We live with my parents, and he gives my Mom the hardest time of all. He makes her work for each and every sign of affection. Little buster.  I keep telling her that if she gets down on the floor and *really* interacts with him, he's gonna open up. But she acts like a grown up, all the time. Fail. Not gonna fly with J.  If you are not willing to get down to his level, you are not getting the time of day. Period.

He feels emotion stronger than anyone I've ever met.  When he is mad, he is mad, for real. There is no amount of ice cream or toys or any other traditional 3 year old bribes that will change his mind. It is what it is.  When he is sad, he won't be soothed by a cookie, or a simple snuggle-- he is sad.  When he is happy, the heavens open up to him and JOY resounds throughout the walls of this house.  My J.

I can't even describe him really.  I am a big-time Mama-bear to him.  If/when some other kid messes with him at the playground, or gymboree, etc... I am NOT going to be diplomatic. I'm gonna tell that kid where to go.  To back off and not touch him! Angerly.  He is a baby.  My baby. Forever.  He has already had to be brave enough.   I kept him in a dangerous house for longer than I should have and I will forever address that.  I won't regret that-- because I didn't feel like there were other options.. But, the one thing I can do, is address it. I will protect him forever when I can.  If I am there-- on the scene, I'm gonna step in. No apologies. He deserves it.  He did his part in the bravery department- when he was putting the pacifier in his brother's mouth in the basement to keep him quiet. That's enough bravery in his life. I'll take over from here.  My boy, my boy boy-- J.