Stupid is as stupid does.

So, I've been doing a little self reflection, or inspection, might be more accurate.   On Saturday night, I got together with a bunch of girls that I went to high school with.  It was a fun night.  I learned that a couple of them read this blog (Hi Guys!).  I was talking about how I felt about writing it, and how I find it very therapeutic, etc etc.  They gave me really positive feedback on it and told me how they enjoyed following it and whatnot.  Some of the girls expressed interest in writing too, but felt like they didn't really have anything that others would be compelled to read on a regular basis.  Mainly, because they lead very nice, happy, comfortable, normal lives.  They are successful, and/or happy Moms.. They don't feel like they are going through anything that most other Moms aren't going through too.   Unlike myself, who seems to have a new crisis every other week.  As I've posted about in the past, people LOVE to read about other's struggles.  It's in our dna.

This sentiment got me thinking about some things....   Am I now creating my own chaos and drama so that I have something interesting to blog about?    I wonder if I'm creating a lot of my own craziness just for the sake of having more crazy in my life.  I think I might be addicted to the excitement of the ups and downs.  I think I might be pursuing someone that I like, more aggressively than I would have in the past because I like the highs and lows that come from that.  I think I am so neck deep in the adrenaline ride, that I need to ensure my next fix.

I already have had such a roller coaster ride, dealing with my ex and all the nonsense that goes with that.  Why would I go after a new guy so aggressively when he is so obviously not interested?  I'm thinking that maybe subconsciously I enjoy the game.  I'm guessing that it would probably be really boring to me if someone out of the blue asked me out, and was nice and polite and showed me affection and attention.  No no, that's not for me...  apparently. 

So that's my self examination for tonight. I do believe that I'm looking for my next good excitement.