I saw a story on tv yesterday that was talking about a new medical test you can get that can determine whether or not your brain has the markers that indicate that you will develop Alzheimer's disease. It's being offered to family members that have the disease in their family, so that they can be prepared for whether or not they will be afflicted as well.
They followed the story of one man that got the test and was told that he would, in all likelihood develop Alzheimer's disease. He then had the task of telling his wife and children about it and preparing them for the fact that they would need to be the ones that will have to make decisions for him and care for him when it happens.
Yikes. Not sure how I feel about that. At least for myself. I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't want to know if I were going to develop this disease, or any other disease that is currently unpreventable. How do you wake up and face each day after learning this fate? Wouldn't you begin constantly wondering if TODAY is going to be the day that you start to fade? Wouldn't you start to wonder every day if your actions are "normal" or if you are just unaware of your mistakes and forgetfulness. Wouldn't you drive yourself mad, wondering if you have forgotten something that might be vitally important, or even something trivial but sentimental? I would. To me, it would be a terrible quality of life.
When I expressed those feelings to my Mother, who happened to be watching the show too, she disagreed whole heartedly. She said that she WOULD want to know. Her logic was that if you are someone that gets the test and learns the bad news, that you would probably be a candidate for trial drugs and/or treatments and could potentially prevent it, or at least prolong the onset. She went on to say that if you are given that kind of horrific life sentence, then at that point you would probably start living every day as if it were your last.. and that would be a good thing. While I understand the bit about being first in line for the hope of the cure, I still stand my ground.
And more importantly, getting back to her point about "living everyday as if it were your last"... aren't we supposed to be doing that anyway? Why is it that it always takes a death sentence for people to start living their life to the fullest? To tell the people they love, that they love them. To take risks. To "just do it" (thanks nike). To live their lives the way they want to? I understand responsibility. I'm not saying that everyone should go quit their job and max out their credit cards and go crazy, "JUST IN CASE." But... I am saying this: Shouldn't we be living our lives as though it were our last day when it comes to our relationships with others. When it comes to spending more time with our kids. Doing more than watching endless hours in front of the tv together.
I'm trying to. When I have the time (and energy), I've been making every effort to take my boys to the park, or the beach, or a nature hike.... anywhere out of touch with technology and outside distraction. And I'm loving it. I'm actually surprised with myself at how I've started craving the nature trails, and climbing beach rocks and watching older men fish off a pier while I listen to my boys and try to answer their questions and just love them. And they love it too. I love that they're spending a lot more of their energy asking to go to the parks and beaches and slightly less of their energy asking for specific episodes of Little Einsteins and Spongebob.
I'm trying to do the same with my own adult relationships. I've finally started to accept the invitations of new/old girlfriends in town to meet for play dates and/or nights out with the girls. I've been so scared of getting back into the social world for too long. I have to tell myself that I came out of a crazy situation, and that not all social situations are going to put me back into that kind of a threat. I've even gone so far as to initiate meetings with my "new" girlfriends. (I use the air quotes, because all of these girls are girls that I've known since I was a kid, but am just recently back in touch with through facebook and what not)
Same goes with men. I'm not going to wait for tomorrow.. I'm not going to sit around and wonder if maybe someday love might find me again. I'm gonna open the door for myself. If and when I come across someone that I think I'm going to be interested in, I have no intention of sitting around, playing coy and hoping he notices. Right now, I have my eye on someone. I let him know. All I can do now is keep in touch and see what happens. Maybe nothing. Maybe something. But if I wake up tomorrow with a terrible disease, or get hit by a crazy Staten Island soccer mom in an escalade, at least I will know that I lived every day as if it were my last. I'm goin for mine.
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