Blue

For the past hour or so, I've been trying to figure out what this hollow feeling in my gut is..  Boredom or loneliness?  It shouldn't be boredom, because I've got about a million things to do.  I wouldn't think it was loneliness.  I have my kids around me all day everyday..  Although they were both sick and very quiet today.  The baby sat on the couch all day zoning in and out as his temperature would rise and fall.  My older one had school for 2 hours, and then spent a good amount of the day entertaining himself.  I guess the fact that little brother was too tired to instigate trouble with him, and the fact that antagonizing a zombie like little brother is boring, it kept them quiet. 

The subject of dating has come up a lot around me lately.  Some people encouraging me to get back out there and jump in the game.  Others agree with me that I don't really need to add any more factors to my already overly chaotic private life.  I have never even considered it until very recently..  Like recent weeks or so.  I don't know why?  Maybe the fact that my lawyer is moving forward to get a court date for the divorce to be final?  We've been waiting for John to sign the damn papers for a year now, and it seems he is just not going to sign it unless he's forced by a judge.

Or maybe I am lonely?  Maybe the idea of having someone of my own is finally starting to seem good again?  Someone just for me.  I don't know.  I know I'm feeling blue and kind of crappy tonight.