I'm not just the president.

My hair is thinning. You've got to be f'ing kidding me.  It's really thinning a lot.  Could be stress, or my medication (zoloft), or still "baby hair," ? I don't know.  What I do know is that when I pull my hair back into a pony tail and braid it, it looks like a 3 year old's braid.
When I was younger, my hair was so thick that I used to ask the hair dresser to cut it with the thinning scissors so it would be easier for me to manage.  For the record, no hairdresser would ever do it.  They would scold me for being so stupid.  They'd tell me how many women would kill for such thick hair.  I probably rolled my eyes at them.

Such bullshit.  What else?  Seriously.  What the fuck else is next?

I've been fasting from dairy for the past couple of weeks, in the name of Ty Campbell.  He's a little boy diagnosed with terminal brain cancer.  I went to college with his father.  Their family has been battling this horrible, mean, scary disease for a while now.  I know it's been more than a year, but not sure how long.  You can read his story from his Mother's words at her blog: http://www.superty.org/      Some days I have a very hard time reading this blog and looking at the pictures of him.  He is around the same age as my older son- a little bit younger.  I have a very hard time seeing him in pain and struggling and scared because it forces me to imagine my own boys going through such a grown up horror.  It breaks my heart.

Last night, I watched part of the Diane Sawyer's interview with Jaycee Dugard.    In case you've been under a rock for the past year, Jaycee is the women who was finally rescued from her kidnapper after almost 20 years.  I am in awe of her poise and grace.  I can't imagine what state of mind I would be in after suffering what she has lived through.
Towards the end of the interview, she talks about how, and/or why she is able to carry on and not live in misery and anger now.   I don't remember her exact quote, but it was something to the effect of , "If you have one thing to be happy or grateful for, than that's enough."  I think she was talking about her daughters when she said this.  It made me feel like a shit.

What the fuck though?  Why do I have to feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself?  I hate that I feel this way.  I hate that I feel sorry for myself.   I hate that I hate feeling this way.  I feel like a spoiled jerk.   And all at the same time, I'm pissed off that I want so much more for me and the boys. 
Jaycee is right, I think, anyway.  If you have something to be happy or grateful for, shouldn't that be enough?  I don't know.  I might have to disagree with her.  I want more.