My theory of relativity

There is one other mother at pre-school pick ups and drop offs that I feel like I could really be friends with.  She's really nice and outgoing, and funny.  We'll call her "Jenny."   We kind of clicked right off the bat, and she is the one I gravitate towards when the kids are all running around playing before and after school.  There are one or two other Moms that I chat with too, but they are more just polite chit chat because our kids are playing together.  

Yesterday, after school while the kids were playing tag, we were all just talking about our plans for the weekend, what we planned on doing with the kids today since they would all be home for Veteran's day.  One of the women, we'll call her "Marie" is a complainer.  She is nice and all, but she is one of those people that feels like the only way she can contribute to a conversation is by complaining about everything and anything that is going on in her life on any given day.  I get it.  I've known a lot of people like this, and I can even admit to doing it myself sometimes when I don't know people that well and have nothing else to say in a social situation.  I think it's a pretty common social "skill" or social "default" might be more accurate.  But we're well into November now, so we've all seen each other 5 days a week every week since September.  If this was just a social default for her when she's around new people, it should have ended a few weeks ago. No?  I think she's just a complainer. 

So anyway, there we were, all talking about our plans.  Marie began telling us that she was completely stressed out because she was going to a Broadway show that night, followed by dinner reservations at 10:30 in Manhattan.   The reason she was stressed was because she was SO tired already, and now she had to go home to get dressed up and ready... and THEN she was annoyed because her cleaning lady insists on coming to her house at 8am and so she was going to have to be up and and dressed by 8 to let the cleaning lady in, even though she's pretty sure her 4 kids would still be sleeping at that time of morning.  Oy.

This is when my buddy Jenny chimed in.  "Oh, I know.. my last cleaning lady used to always want to come really early too!  I hated it, but she was so good, so I just dealt with it..."   From here, they jumped head first into a cleaning lady conversation... how they can't stand when they do this or that.  How bummed they were when the really great ones they had quit, or moved away etc.  

I was a little crushed.  I am SO out of my league with these women.  From a financial standpoint anyway.  I felt crushed because I had imagined that Jenny and I could be friends down the line.  And maybe we will be.  But that whole conversation made me feel like I was getting kicked in the gut over and over.  Both Marie and Jenny drive beautiful cars with pricey brand names on them.    At one point, Jenny waved her left hand to swat a fly or a gnat or something, and the flash of light from the sunshine hitting off her diamond rings hit my eyes.  I had a sudden pang of sadness over my loss of my ring.  It occurred to me in that very instant that there's a woman out there somewhere wearing my diamonds on her finger.  Whoever that woman is that is wearing my diamonds has no idea that they were stolen from me.  Stolen from me by my own husband while I was almost 5 months pregnant with my second son.  I felt mad and sad and sorry for myself.. just for a minute or two.  But it left a mark.

As I was driving home and thinking about the conversation and feeling sorry for myself, I had to put myself in check.  Marie's youngest son, who is in my son's class, has hearing problems.  He has to wear a special head band that has a hearing aid built into it.  He's an absolutely adorable kid, and completely healthy as far as I know other than the hearing problems... but that must have been heartbreaking for his mother when she first learned of his problem.  
And then there's Jenny.  Her daughter that is in J's class is great.  Very cute and sweet and funny too.  But Jenny also has a 7 year old son who has a severe case of autism, among many other serious health issues.  The poor girl has her hands so full with taking care of her son.  She is constantly having to take him out of state to see specialists for treatments, and dealing with his reactions to some very strong medications that he has to take daily.  She doesn't get a lot of sleep because some of her son's medications cause him to have insomnia.. and because of his autism, he needs to be watched constantly.  She cannot just set him up on the couch with the tv.  He needs to be watched ALL the time.  There is no down time for Jenny.

So, the point of this very long winded story is this.  No one has it all.  Some girls are lucky enough to have a lifestyle that includes house keepers, and/or cleaning ladies, and fancy luxury cars and $4000 swing sets in the back yard.  Some of us are not so lucky in that regard.  But I have two very healthy very happy and smart boys.  I may have a lot of my plate.  I may have been put through the ringer by my ex.  I might have some craaaazy stories of the shit that I've lived through.  But at the end of the day,  I have the health of my boys.. and that is really all I really need at the end of the day.

It's all relative.