Ain't no rest for the Wicked

It's exhausting having an enemy.  I just never know what to expect, not that anyone does in life, but when you know that a person exists in your world that makes moves all the time that can potentially hurt you, with no regard what so ever,  it's seriously exhausting. 
From one day to the next, I wonder which version of John I have to endure next.  The super aggressive and angry John that wants to call me a gold digger and tell me that I deserve nothing.  The poor me, victim John that is sure the whole world is against him.  The sad and remorseful John that professes his never ending love to me and just wants me and his family back...  The manic and upbeat John that has a new plan to turn over a new leaf and has a whole new idea that's going to make him a big success.  I just never know.

This morning, I got a combination of the John that still loves me and the John that wants to turn over a new leaf.  This is a good one to deal with.   He emailed me to propose a settlement so we could try to avoid any more court.  It's a decent compromise..  They say that the best compromise is when both parties leave a little bit unhappy, or not having gotten everything they wanted.  So, I think it will be a good one, assuming he doesn't change his mind before tomorrow morning... and so, I'm not going to hold my breath.  But I'm feeling hopeful.  If it works out, I will be able to breath a little easier and have some more stability from month to month, instead of the constant wondering and worrying that has plagued my brain space for the past two years.  Maybe be able to declutter my mind a little bit and start operating more like a normal person and less like a paranoid lonely weirdo with ptsd.

Tonight I was trying to catch up on some reading and studying for my class tomorrow night.  This has proved to be completely futile.  There's just no way for me to focus on The Euthyphro and Socrates when I have court in 12 hours, and when my 4 year old is lying in my bed upstairs tossing and turning with a fever..  He got sent home from school this afternoon because his eyes looked red and watery.  I took him straight to the doctor, and sure enough, he's got pink eye.  Right at his bedtime is when the fever kicked in.  I put a cool cloth on his eyes and forehead, and sat with him until he fell asleep.  I check on him every 15 minutes or so, and each time his cloth is hot and needs to be re-soaked with cold water. 
Something tells me I won't be getting too much sleep tonight.  Socrates will have to wait.