A Meeting of the Minds

February 13th, 2009.

My sister in law, N, had this idea from one of the many business seminars she had attended.  Gather together a group of family and/or friends who all might be interested in starting their own business or a shared business, and have brainstorming meetings.  The idea made sense.  The main "rule" was that you had to take it seriously.  Make a schedule of meetings, and stick to them, as though it was a real job. A real business meeting that you were not allowed to miss. 

So we met at mine and John's house in Nj that February night for the first meeting.  I was 6 months pregnant, give or take, and not completely enthusiastic about hostessing this event that I wasn't completely on board with, but it wasn't really my call.  This was something John and his siblings decided to do, and they were having it at our house as a favor really-- we lived the furthest away, but we also had the youngest child (J was 1 1/2). 

The first hour or so, we sat around munching on chips and pizza, and doughnuts.  Their family is very good about never coming empty handed.  John is one of six siblings, so it is understood that no "host" family should ever have to provide for every sibling, plus spouses and kids. 
After that, the kids were sent to the playroom, or the basement to play while the grownups got to talking.

How it worked was, one person started- this time it was N.  This was all her idea, so she lead the group.  She had to tell everyone what her dream business would be, if she had the means to do it.  The rule was, you had to talk about what you WOULD do, if there were no obstacles to stop you- logistically, or financially.  The idea was, present your idea, and let the group ponder it, brainstorm, come up with possible ways of making it happen.  Make notes, do your homework.  If something struck you during the next two weeks before the next meeting, jot it down and prepare to talk about it.

We went around the room, and everyone HAD to have an idea.  Whether you ever thought about being an entrepreneur or not.  When they got to me, I was stubborn.  "I want to be a Mom.  The best Mom I can be.  Just stay home and play with them, and feed them, and teach them, and be here with them. That is truthfully all I want right now. I don't want any business.  I want to stay home with my babies."  OOOOh boy did I face the firing squad!  I was breaking the rules. I HAD to tell them what my dreeeeam business would be. "ok, ok, (they coddled me) let's say you could do a business from home, and still take care of the kids.. then what would it be?"  So I told them the truth.  I had thought about starting a catering business to prepare meals for women and their families for the first week after they left the hospital after having a baby. Great.

Yadda yadda yadda, they all somehow found a way to include John in their business plans.  They all knew that John was an incredible salesman.. and by salesman, I mean bullshit artist.  Each and every sibling took turns telling John how great he would be as the front man, and how successful he would be, and how successful the whole family would be if he took the reigns... ayayayayay!  They were blowing his head up beyond all recognition!

This whole time, all I was thinking was, "shut the fuck up!  This irresponsible narcissist FINALLY has a good job with good benefits, pension, decent salary!  Why, WHY are they pushing this?"

My nerves were shot.  By this point in my marriage, I had called almost everyone of them during one crisis or another to try to employ their help in understanding John's actions, and in trying to get them to help me reach him.  Here they all were, undoing all of it.

I often have to remind myself that he and his siblings are all cut from the same cloth. They were raised in exactly the same dysfunctional family that he was.  They might pull it off better than he does, and they manage to hold it all together somehow, but they are just as damaged as him. 

So much happened and changed so quick after those few meetings.  I had R, learned a whole lot of shit that I didn't know.  I included the family in this information.  I left John and took my kids.  N was diagnosed with 2 forms of leukemia, and is still fighting the good fight..

No new businesses in the family to speak of.