Fireproof

A few years back, my ex and I went to see the movie "Fireproof" starring Kirk Cameron.  It was a pretty good movie.  We both knew that our marriage was in trouble. This movie made me cry at times, and had some really good advice toward repairing the damage that couples can work on.  This was before I knew everything that I know now.. so I guess at the time I thought maybe we could salvage our family.

It's more or less a handbook on the steps one could take to get the love back.  To make up for all the wrongs you may have done to your spouse and show him or her how much you love them by sacrificing, and putting them first, and whatnot. All good stuff. 

Did nothing for us at that time.

A couple of weeks ago, I saw that it was being played on one of the cable channels.   I didn't watch it again, but I thought about the movie for a bit after seeing the ad.

I have a very strong feeling that John must have watched it.  Lately he has been humble and apologetic, and going out of his way to try to make me feel that I can count on him.  It's just another thing that makes me pity him more.  I really do feel sorry for him.  I know I probably shouldn't, considering all the crazy shit he put me and the boys through, but I do. 

He sends texts to me when he knows I'm going through something stressful to tell me that I am not alone, and I can lean on him, and that he knows he wasn't there for me in the past, but that he is going to spend his life trying to make that up to me.  Words.  Words words words.  He was always very good at words.

But hey, I'll take it.  If I can take advantage of this phase he's going through, then great.  It's good for the boys to see us get along.  And if wants to play nice for a little while, that's just one less stress on my brain for now. 

I'm thinking this might all come to an end the day he is served with the final draft of the divorce agreement, which could be any day now.  Oh well, I'll try to enjoy this version of him while it lasts.