I had a really tough day. I just posted about my weekend of fun adventure and miraculous turnarounds.
In my real world, I had to face the day that came after. It was sad, and sloppy, and pathetic. I tailspinned into a drinking binge. I had such a hard hard time dealing with getting over my weekend. I had so much fun having John around entertaining the boys, and being mr fun guy... all along, knowing the truth. I allowed myself to buy into the dream.. just one more time. Just for a few hours.
Oh, it was so nice. Having a guy to chase after the wild 22 month old, and snuggle the 3 year old at bedtime. I got to actually sit and watch a parade for the first time in years! And I got to fling my extremeties all over my bed without fear of knocking out my son. I had a teammate again. I think that happily married people might underestimate the power and/or confidence that comes with having a "life partner."
I am a twin, so I think I was hardwired to crave a partner. There was really no time in my life that I had to face alone. I always had a teammate. I never had to go into any situation on my own.
Till now. Boo. I don't like it.
i'm sorry you had a crappy few days. you are doing great work with those boys.....it will pay off.......i wish i had some great words.....i don't......but you're doing it and you're growing stronger daily.
ReplyDeletethanks Melis. and also, I love your blog. It makes me jealous about how normal people are living, but I love it none the less.
ReplyDeleteYour honesty is really moving.
ReplyDeleteThanks Erin. I have an honesty problem. I feel the need to tell everyone everything, all the time.
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