Purge

I threw out a shit ton of crap today.  3 of those huge contractor size bags of stuff. Just stuff. I'd say that more than 1/2 of it was just  mounds of old paperwork that needed to be sorted through, filed, and/ or shredded.  Truth be told, the paperwork was some of the more difficult things to go through.  Because of the nature of my break-up, when I go through the old bills and collection notices, it stirs up so many mean, angry and disappointing emotions.  I need to have the reminders now and again to keep the fire goin that makes me move forward.  But it's tough none the less.
A lot of it was baby stuff.  Things that I wasn't ready to give up when I moved here 2 years ago.  There was a lot of stupid "momento-ee" stuff. (yesss, that's a word)  Sentimental nonsense.  Gone.  Old crap cluttering up my room and my mind.  I've been living in a bedroom that was looking more and more like a hoarder's den every day.
When I first moved here after leaving John, I had a very hard time throwing anything away.  I lived in a 4 floor house, and had to try to consolidate all of my worldly possessions into my room, the boys' room, and the playroom/ livingroom.
In the house I shared with John, there was ample room for every and anything we wanted to hold on to, even if we had no reason to.
But up until today, a good amount of it just sat in my bedroom in boxes and piles everywhere.  It weighed on me every day-- knowing full well that I should be going through all this shit and get rid of most, if not all of it.  But I wasn't ready.
Then my bedroom ceiling collapsed a couple of weeks ago.  So the inevitable got a jump start.  My hands were forced to do what I've been putting off since February 2010.
I feel good.  I feel a little bit lighter.  I'm not going to make any big declaration like I always do.  I'm not going to declare this to be the newest first day of the rest of my life or any of that typical speech I do when I turn a corner.
But I feel good.  And that's good enough for me for now.