I used to be funny. It's true. I knew I was, and people used to tell me so. In college, I had friends that would tell me things like they loved to sit across from me and my boyfriend Joe and just watch us talk- because we were funnier than a sitcom or stand up act. And I think it was true. We had a certain magic between us. We shared the same sense of humor and bounced off each other so easily and made each other laugh every day.
Even after Joe, I loved to laugh and be funny and goofy and stupidly ridiculous.
It's gone now. There's remnants of it that resurface from time to time. But it is so deeply buried that it takes some effort to bring it out. I miss it.
I was just watching a documentary about Ray Romano- a camera follows him and his friend as he goes on tour with his stand-up routine. He's making me laugh. Out loud. The way I used to laugh all the time before the shit hit the fan. He and his friends are just acting jerky (in a good way).
I miss the jerky. I miss the goofy. I really hope that once my life gets straightened out again and I can stop the daily self deprecations telling me how pathetic I am for being in my parent's house, and having to accept money for help from time to time, yadda yadda yadda. I hope the funny doesn't have an expiration date. I hope it comes back.
If it's in you, it's in you
ReplyDeleteWhen you got it, you got it
Just takes the right combination of things...less stress, the right state of mind
But it's you...I can see it in your writing. It's sooooo there. Sometimes another person can egg us on (Joe) and sometimes the damp heavy things like stress need to lift.
I miss myself too, but you're doing everything right and you're doing your best.
You got it
It's there.