Show off

I know I've been slacking in the blog department lately.. It's not without some good reasons.  Things have been moving along somewhat smoothly for a little while now.  I had my midterm last week, so I did a good amount of reading and reviewing last week.  The divorce is settled, so things have been smooth on the John front.  There haven't really been a whole lot of things to report on. 

I don't know about you, but I can't stand listening to someone tell me all about how great every aspect of their life is.   One of two things is true here (at least in my twisted, cynical brain):  either you're an arrogant jerk off that actually believes that others are concerned with your over achievements and utter happiness, or (more likely) you're a fucking liar.
I mean, it's fine when a "normal" person makes a grand statement that something wonderful has happened to them and or a loved one... That's great! We're all routing for ya!!!
It's those people that NEVER have anything to complain about that I worry about.  If all you ever have to talk about is how fantastic all of your states of affairs are, then I'm gonna go ahead and assume you're full of shit.

I remember when I was a little kid, after watching my Mom watch one of her soaps (Ryan's Hope), asking her which is actually like real life:  her soap operas, or the sitcoms that my sisters and I liked to watch.  I don't remember what the answer was...  she probably told me to stop mumbling and pick up my socks and clean up my room......     
But I've learned from my own experiences that's it's pretty much a perfect 50/50 split.  At least in my world it is.  Day to day is silly stupid funny slapstick, but the real underlying story line is far fetched but real crazy serious and heartbreakingly serious.

That's why people watch tv.  They want  a little bit of it all.  The good and the bad.  The heavy craziness by day, and the funny lighthearted by night.  No one wants to see Little Miss Sunshine day after day.  How would we all feel in comparison?  So I find it hard to find ways of expressing my good days without sounding like I'm gloating or proud..  Not that my life is even close to enviable (yet), but you get the gist. 
That said,
I got my first check yesterday.  The check that I have been the hypothetical rightful owner of for the past two years, but has been hijacked by John since I had no legal paperwork to enforce John's former partner to make me the payee.  But now, it is so.
I feel like a million pounds have been lifted from my chest.  Or, more accurately (describing MY feelings), I feel like a gigantic padlock that's been sitting in the forefront of my brain has been unlocked.  Just like that.  Getting that check, and seeing my name as Payee and my address on it.   Life changing, to say the least.   Every day of every week of every month, I have any number of things to worry about, or at least, to attend to.  Most, if not all of these things depend on money.  I've been doing at artfully creatively inventive juggling act with my bills these past few months.  And now, that is over.  Thank God.  It's not like this check is a lottery payout, by any standards, but it means that John's debt's will be payable, and mine and the boy's expenses are doable..

I might be a flighty, seemingly careless person by normal standards, but when it comes to my finances and credit standards, I'm about the most type A person you'll find... or at least I was at one time, and I really really want to reclaim that.  Before I got married, I had my finances in check.  By the time I was 26, I had my retirement accounts set up so that even if all of wall street fucked up, I'd still have my retirement in check.. I was knowledgeable enough to know to keep some in stable accounts, and some in volatile..   My retirement account was set up and pretty healthy in my 20's before I met John..  He did a swift and complete demolition of all of it. Right down to the last red cent..   When those financial managers are drilling you about the importance of a retirement account, they seemingly miss the all important husband land mine plan. 
 So,, let me share my biggest life lesson learned.  Earn your own money.  Manage your own money.  Protect your own money.  Love your partner.  Keep it all separate.  Very separate.

It's obvious I have blogger's block, isn't it?  Anyway.... One of my favorite little guys in the entire world is in the hospital for some tests, and I need some Religious folks to keep me and mine in their prayers please.  Thanks for that.  More when I have any real thought come across my mind.