Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou has a quote that goes:  "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
Beautifully said.. although not all that original I guess. "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me." 

I wish I would have payed attention to either one of these quotes, when it came to my ex.
How many times am I going to have to get knocked down by this guy before I learn?

Today, more of the same old bullshit.  Since 2008, he has said that when he sold our bar, there would be monthly payments of X amount, and in addition, 3 lump sum amounts.  These lump sums were big--- or supposed to be big.  There was one- at the initial sale, we were presented with a nice sized check (which he quickly burned through by giving it to bookies and loansharks and whoever else was in his secret world that wanted or needed or extorted money from him).
According to him, there would be two more generous checks coming- one in November of 2010, and the last would be in the final year of the "note"-- 2015.
Well, it turns out, these checks do not exist.  More lies. More of the same.
I was really counting on those checks.  They were going to get me out of debt, and help towards my tuition to go back to school for nursing so that I could start a career that I know would support the boys and I.   Now that dream is gone.
Now I have to start a new plan. Apply to the school, and then also fill out each and every financial aid and/or loan form that they have... which should be interesting, considering my ex destroyed my credit. DESTROYED it.
I had perfect credit before I met him. I had ridiculous amounts of credit. Now, not so much.  Target doesn't even want to throw me a bone.
I'm so fucking mad.
So I confronted him with the fact that he lied about the existence of this money.... he played dumb- shockingly.
"I guess I misunderstood the agreement..."  really? who the hell misunderstands monetary agreements that can change your life? seriously. who?
I hate him.  I hate where he came from.  I hate the abuse that turned him into the child-like liar/ sociopathic opportunist.  Mostly I hate him for hiding behind his past for his current behaviors.
I want so badly to punch him.  I want to force him to watch me deal with the day to day dealings with our children, on my own, and to watch (and understand) me paying the bills each month.  I just want to get through to him.
but most of all, I want him to die.