NO.

I'm so mad and angry and sad and pissed off...  I'm still stuck on Ty... Ty Campbell.  I can't stop thinking about you, Ty.
 I want him to get better.  I want another miracle for him.  I get upset at myself when I find myself praying so hard for him, and not for all the thousands of other babies in the world suffering right now.  It seems arrogant, in a stupid, self depreciating way.  It's like I need to find every reason to find another reason to be mad at me.
After I dropped off both boys at school today, I drove myself to the college campus.  I was psyched when I got there to see so many open parking spaces available.  I drove further in to campus, only to learn that there was no class today.  Jewish holiday.  I knew that we had off tomorrow, but since my boys were had school today, I assumed I did too.
I had no idea what to do with myself.  It was 9:10, and I had no responsibilities until 1:40pm.  I literally had no idea what to do.  I drove out of campus, and just ...drove.   I wound up at the mall, which is just down the road.  I walked into the main entrance to find every store still closed.  Nothing opens till 10am it seems.  Funny how time schemes change so drastically when you have kids.  Years ago, I worked at the mall, and hated my shifts when I had to open-- 10am???? Who's awake and shopping at 10am??? I remember thinking.

I called my twin sister to kill some time before Old Navy opened.. We just bullshitted for a minute or two.  She was getting ready to take her son to therapy. Her son, W is about 17 months old, and has never eaten anything. At all.  At 4 months, he swallowed some baby cereal, but reacted so painfully, that he never ate again.  My sister is now on the seemingly never ending hunt to find out what the heck is going on, and why and how to get him to eat...

Even with all of this going on with her son, it seemed that all we could talk about was Ty.  I asked her if there was a new blog entry today.  She said yes, and that it was terrible.
I sat outside of the Disney store, waiting for it to open so I could scope out the Halloween costumes, and I  read the blog....
And cried.
And cried.

I put on my sunglasses in the mall.  I was that guy wearing sunglasses in the mall.
And I cried.

I cried as I looked at Halloween costumes.  And I cried as I checked how long the size 6 sweatpants are in the boy's department of Old Navy.
And I just cried.