Todd

I have so many things to talk about.  But there's no way I can cover it all tonight.  The first week of June I started this insane biology class, and it is literally taking over every spare hour of my life- and I didn't have a whole lot of those before.
Today was the funeral for my ex-husband's father.  Weird couple of days.  He was 87.  He'd had a bad heart for a long time (literally and figuratively).  
The Grandkids all referred to him as "Todd".  I don't remember the exact story of why, but it went something like this:  When the first (of 20) grandkids,  were born, and then started talking, "Todd" was sick for a bit, so he was always upstairs in bed.   When the babies would ask where their Pop was, they were told "upstairs", and the adults would point up to the ceiling, or sky..  these children, being raised in some hard core catholic households associated the pointing of "up" with God.  God, Heaven, yadda yadda... for a 3 year old, it's a lot to make sense of.  So the kid's would say, "Todd? (their baby talk for God)  and the whole room would erupt in laughter, and hence the title of Todd was given.
....Or at least that's the story I was given.  More likely than not, he was involved in some sort of witness protection and/or hiding from some unsavories and decided that Todd would make a suitable alias.  It's hard to say.
But I digress.  It was a weird vibe throughout the family.. and by family, I mean my ex-inlaws.  There is a lot of very difficult baggage that went along with Todd.
Todd was born and raised in Northern Ireland, in the county of Tyrone.  He was there and very present on that "Sunday Bloody Sunday" as a very young man.  As a child, he was severely abused in most any manor that you can imagine.  As far as I can tell from the stories, I don't believe that he ever knew love as a child, which blows my mind when I think of my boys.  At 15, he was sold by his family as an indentured servant and moved to London to work.  A few years later, he boarded the Queen Elizabeth, bound for NYC.
Yadda yadda yadda, after many more struggles, he married and had six children--- John, being the 5th in line.
He beat the ever loving shit out of each and every one of them... except, MAYBE not Noreen..  I'm not sure, and I haven't dared to ask, but something about their dynamic tells me that she was his angel......  She was the first born, and somehow (maybe) escaped a whole lot of the torment, just by virtue of birth order.

But back to Todd.... he went on to physically, mentally, and yes, VERY sadly, sexually abuse some of his own children. Year after year after year.  John's oldest brother, Kenny, refers to his childhood as his "personal vietnam"  Meaning that he woke up every day afraid to turn the corner of each room, not knowing if there was a closed fist waiting to clock him in the jaw for some unknown childhood error.  It was a horrible, terrifying, day to day existence for every one of Todd's children.

John's mother- "Red Nana"-- named for her brightly colored, ever manicured red hair.  John is the only one of the six of them that was born with his father's coloring.  Sandy brown hair and sparkling blue eyes.  The other five all mixes of Red Nana-  red hair, freckles, milky white skin.
As far as I'm concerned, she is a saint.  This man was so damaged by the time that she met him that she never stood a chance.  He was SOOO handsome (I wish I had a picture as evidence),  and charismatic.  When I finally met Todd, he was still funny and charismatic... but he needed assistance both physically and somewhat visually.   When he met me for the first time (Red Nana and Todd totally Shanghiid me by showing up at the Sheraton Sports bar while I was working)  Red Nana found my coworker and insisted on seeing Judy Lyons, the waitress, right away.   So I came out of the kitchen to find these insanely pale,  and impressively outgoing senior citizens waiting to critique me.  Todd's first utterings when he saw me was something to the effect of, "oooh m'jeeeaaaysus, she's not black.  I was sure she'd be black"  W.O.W.  His mom, Red Nana just jumped right into the hot list of topics... where'd we meet? what on earth did i see in him? am i catholic?  where's my family from??? etc etc etc..." 
I
Loved 
Her 
Immediately.
She was me... only about 70 years older.
I couldn't pin it right away.
She was so funny and brash and unapologetic.
Now, about 10 years later, I get her.  not completely.  but she and I still have a lot of catching up to do.
I imagine that the times that I am working through all of my emotions and feelings about Todd and Red Nana and John will be free flowing for awhile...

For now, I need to get back to bio 106 and the Kreb's cycle.... but I'll be back.