The Source

Last night at bedtime, J was grilling me about why his Daddy "tricks" us all the time.   Translation, he was asking why his father is such a fucking liar.  His dad will tell him that he got his driver's licence, and so he can now drive down and visit him every day and whatnot.  I think we all know before I write it here that he is NOT visiting every day. Nor is he reading him bedtime stories every night, as was previously promised.  His dad showed up in his latest company's "company car' on his last two visits.  There's no question in my mind that this use of the car was NOT authorized... especially considering that he hasn't had a valid driver's license for as long as I've known him, and since he was arrested for dui during our marriage, back in 2008...or maybe 09... whatever.  after so many arrests, they all start to blend together, don't they?  
Tomorrow is J's moving up ceremony from prek to kindergarten.   I actually surprised myself this afternoon when I picked him up from school, when I realized how emotionally attached I had become to his classmates and their mothers..  There's a group of about 5 or 6 of them that run and play every day after school around a small tree.
Back in September, the tree wasn't more than a thin sapling growing in the middle of a small patch of grass that we all happened to park around.  The bigger kids, at the time, Rocco and Frankie would jump up and grab leaves for the smaller kids and they'd all run and scream and play and be happy.
Now, it's June.  All of our kids can reach up and grab their own leaves.  First teeth have been lost, naps are no longer.  They're big kids now.
When it's time to go home each day, the kids all hug each other.  They know full well that they'll see each other tomorrow, but they hug none the less.

This week is it.  Moving up day tomorrow.   The days of running around that tree are numbered.  and I am sad.
My baby.  He has grown so much this year.  He is about to jump into kindergarten.  Mixed in with all the big kids.  My constant control must now be handed over.  He is part of the big concrete playground of all the other Mom's babies in town...  I'm not sure how to let go.  I don't think I can.
I know that when the day comes, I just will.  But right now... I just wish we could stay with our little family of friends we have made...
and just meet at the tree every day.