My sister inlaw's leukemia came back. It's a sad sad week for their family. Today, she heads back to the hospital to meet with her treatment team to try to decide what to do next. It seemed like the bone marrow treatment and chemo were working.. but it's back and it's acting very aggressive. She is only back to 105 lbs, and on her 5'8" frame, that doesn't necessarily leave her body with enough strength to handle more rounds of chemo.
Sometimes, like this week, I wonder if I should go off of my anti-anxiety/depression medication. I know that I still need it to cope with my own current situation at home and with the divorce, and kids and finances.. But sometimes I feel like I can't exactly pinpoint what emotion I am feeling. With all that is going on in my life, and the terrible news that we just received... I should *FEEL* more devastated daily, shouldn't I? I do feel emotions, despite what a lot of nay-sayers against meds might think. I realize the medication is meant to soften the edges of the emotional lows and sometimes paralyzing anxiety that often goes hand in hand. In that sense, it's doing it's job. I don't know. I just wish I could figure out what I'm feeling. Lately, it's just numb. It's mechanical. It's going through the motions.
when you keep getting hit over and over with emotional wreckage, numbness is the only defense. medicated or not. it's like when your body goes into shock to protect itself. stay the course and stay on your meds. :) you losing your marbles won't help your SIL. it's easier to be supportive with your levels at calm.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. Do your best, it's all you can do...
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