Cry Baby

Everything makes me cry these days.  Tv, facebook, day to day existence.  So much doom and gloom all the time.
I just clicked on facebook to check in on the day and saw that one of my girlfriends from college lost her husband this week.  I don't know how old he was, but I'm betting he was young.  She was a freshman when I was a senior, so I would venture to guess that he must be in his mid to late 30's? Maybe early 40's? He took a nap and never woke up.  They have two very young daughters- Olivia and Giovanna. I think they are both under the age of 4.
My sister has gotten very wrapped up with the Ty Louis Campbell story... she has gotten involved with at least two other little kids with cancer, online.  I understand why this is grabbing hold of her.   Her little boy, W is in the doctor's and/or hospital offices several times a week, every week.  She relates to these other families that are suffering, and scrambling, and hoping to get an answer every day.
He still hasn't ever eaten.  He's a year and a half now, and can't eat.  No one knows why.  He has a feeding tube in his belly now, and he vomits pretty much daily.  But he is by far, the cutest little thing that ever was.  And happy as a clam.

Me, I'm hangin on lately.  Just hangin on.  I'm not happy with almost anything.  I am doing a good job of finding joy in the silliness and frivolousness of the day to day.  My boys make me laugh and cry and scream and crack up.  They're coocoo.  But they're healthy. So very healthy and big and growing by leaps and bounds every day.  I realize on a conscious level that I need to pull it together and be happy and grateful for all I have.  

But somehow, I can't.