Shit's gettin real.

I spent a couple of hours on my college campus yesterday dealing with a bunch of red tape.  I had to change my "student" name to match my married name, since I was denied any financial aid because social security still has me under my married name, but my school had me under my maiden name (because I attended one semester there in 1994, they already had me in there system, so I just left it.).
So it took a lot of paperwork and circular explanations, but it finally got done.  Next, I headed to the bursars office to pay my balance of my very overdue tuition balance so that I can register for next semester, tomorrow.  Then, off to the academic adviser's office to sit and wait an hour to find out what classes I should be taking this summer and next fall.
---take a breath---
As I was walking across campus after it was all said and done, my head got dizzy, and it all started feeling really REAL.  Part of me has felt like this ethics class I'm taking this semester was just a fluke.. I took it to shut my mother up about the fact that I should really go back to school...  She nagged and nagged me about how I always talked about being a nurse as a kid, and that I like to take care of people, and yadda yadda yadda this is what I'm SUPPOSED to be doing.   But now, I'm putting tuition on my credit cards, and scheduling my next two semesters.. giving up my summer time with my boys to speed up the process..  Holy shit, this is really happening.  I'm scared... and nervous... and also relieved that I have an annoying nagging mother that's gonna keep me going.  I have NO clue how I'm going to afford this venture, since so far, I have no aid awarded to me.. but I guess it'll work itself out. 
Funny thing is, no matter how much we worry about these things, the world never stops to take a breath to let us think about it.. The world keeps spinning, and we just have to keep running to keep up, and we make quick decisions when we have to to make ends meet... and we do.  We just do.  Sometimes it sucks, and we're broke and exhausted and out of any motivation to move forward.  The thing is, we don't have a choice in the matter.  We move forward because we have to.  The world's gonna keep on spinning, and sitting down and putting on the brakes is just not an option.
So.  Here goes.  Keeping with the plan.  Gonna be a nurse.  Come hell or high water, I suppose.  Cause I don't think I can stop the machine.