About this time last year, I had to stop taking the anxiety/depression medicine I was on because my cobra insurance ran out and I couldn't afford it anymore. I found out that it had expired when I went to CVS to pick up my last refill and they told me it wasn't covered and that I would have to pay for it out of pocket. I don't remember how much it was, but I do remember it was more than $200. I took out my credit card, since I knew I didn't have enough in my checking to cover it. The pharmacist swiped it twice and told me it was denied. I gave her maybe 2 or 3 more cards. All denied. I didn't have enough credit anywhere to pay. I left there red faced, with burning hot eyes that I finally let cool with a non stop stream of tears in the parking lot. I sat in my car and cried.. I knew that I had to pull it together before I got home so that my parents wouldn't ask what was wrong.
They knew anyway. One look at my swollen blotchy face gave me away. Of course, they offered to pay. But I was too humiliated to accept it. They had already given me so much in the form of food, shelter, diapers, etc... I told them that I didn't think I really needed it anymore. This was a lie. And so the withdrawal began.
It was horrible. The prescription was for Cymbalta. I often saw the commercials with all the warning signs, but assumed these did not apply to me. I was wrong. I suffered from vertigo, dizziness, echoing in my ears. I had a very hard time taking care of the boys for about 2 weeks.. Their cries and whines would ring in my ears so severely that I couldn't pay attention to anything else happening around me. But I faked it as best as I could. I read somewhere that a diet high in omega 3's could help with withdrawal symptoms.. so I started eating salmon, walnuts, eggs, anything I could find in the house with omega 3's. I think they did help some.
On my birthday, May 5th, I decided to go to my sister's house rather than feel sorry for myself over cake with my parents. It's about a 3 hour drive from here to there. I prayed the whole drive that I wouldn't get into an accident. I didn't trust my eyes. Lines seemed to shift and blur, and cars seemed to blast past me at crazy speeds. I'm always a cautious and conservative driver, but that day I felt like Mr Magoo. I felt so irresponsible for being on the road with the boys, but by the time I realized how tough driving would be, I was already well into the trip.
My sister was very helpful during the visit. We ate tacos and drank wine and had cake. Her kids entertained my boys a lot during the daytime hours which helped a lot with my chaotic brain. I stayed one day longer than I had originally planned in order to give myself just 24 more hours of detox before having to make the drive back home. Fortunately, I was feeling much better by this time. It was now about 2 weeks after stopping the medication abruptly. I still had some "brain shocks"-- this is the name I gave the feeling that would happen often during withdrawal. Anytime I went from sitting to standing or vice versa, It would feel like a tiny electrical shock in my brain and I could almost see a lightning bolt the size of a tiny thread of hair behind my eyes. It's a lousy feeling, but nothing that interfered with life as usual.
Just a few weeks later, I finally got medicaid for the boys and myself and found a great doctor that has helped keep me on track and healthy. Here's hoping this birthday is a little better than that.
And here's a little free advice for everyone--- don't take cymbalta! There are lots of other medications out there to help if you have severe anxiety and or depression. This drug had some negative physical effects while I was on it (dry mouth, night sweats, swollen face, and body), and the withdrawal was truly hellish. That's my 2 cents on that.
I totally understand. I was taking anti-anxiety drugs and had tried five different pills. After a few months on the fifth, I realized my mood was like PMS non-stop. I had funny sensations as I walked, as if the bottom was dropping out, so I quit, not realizing what would happen to my mood. I remember leaving work one day after intense headaches, a fuzziness in everything around me, and total inability to deal with people talking around me. Since I work at a newspaper where everything is words, phone calls, conversations, emails, I had the worst emotional crash of my life. I walked into the editor's office explaining that I was crashing. I had to go. I was a wreck. I also had a driving incident on Xanax and had to pull over. I did not feel strange, but the yellow line was swaying all over the place. Crappy drugs. How are you?
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